Saturday, September 8, 2012

Amanda and Kelly Review: Nina Versus the Mummy by Catherine DeVore



Nina Versus the Mummy: An Erotic Adventure by Catherine DeVore
When Nina steals an ancient map that points to the Pharaoh's treasure trove, she expects to steal some gold and make a quick buck. Instead, she finds herself face-to-face with a mummy who plans to extract his revenge by making her his plaything for the night.

Warning: This 3500-word story includes a steamy blowjob, rough sex, and an explicit encounter with an ancient Egyptian pharaoh that you won't soon forget!
Our Thoughts:
Amanda: So when I was promised hot sex with a mummy, my first thought was, "How does one have sex with a mummy?" I mean, a mummy is basically a dead body all wrapped up, so... is that some sort of necrophilia I'm not aware of?

Kelly: You want to know what my first thought was? "Duuuuude... sex with a mummy? BRING IT ON!" I guess technically it would be necrophilia, wouldn't it? Now I feel all dirty for thinking that.

Amanda: Except the first sexual encounter isn't with a mummy. It was with Paul, and his big cock.

Kelly: Yeeeaaaaah. Disappointment #1. The blowjob was only mildly steamy and clearly Paul wasn't a mummy. Does it mean I've read too many dirty books when the sex is described as "rough" and I'm all... "Meh. I've read rougher."?

Amanda: That was a quickie blowjob. And, um... that sex wasn't rough at all. Unless "rough" means "not missionary position." Then I could maybe see calling it rough. Maybe.

Kelly: No. Just no. I can't accept that. Rough sex is not defined as non-missionary. Truth in advertising, people! In fact, I'm rewriting the warning. In my head it now says: a quickie blowjob and some mediocre sex.

Amanda: On the topic of mediocre sex, what was up with the sex with the mummy? It was all, "Spend the night and make love with me." And then one orgasm later and they're parting ways. After thousands of years of no sex, wouldn't you want more than one orgasm? Surely you've built up your royal cum over all that time.

Kelly: Let's backtrack for a second. "Make love to me"? I'm thinking that the mummy has many, many, MANY years of pent up sexual tension. Is "making love" really the correct term? On the plus side, at least this time it was slightly more satisfying. Or at least a little rougher. Wasn't it? You're right, though. I'm not thinking that a single boning would take care of business.

Amanda: No, you're right. It was definitely not making love. It was fucking. And after years of no release, why wouldn't you fuck your partner into oblivion? Nina was ready and willing. Though I'm not going to lie, Nina seems to like teh sex anyway. Once the mummy transformed a bit, she was all, "Bring it on, big boy!" This is probably not the kind of reaction I would have had. But then again, neither am I Nina.

Kelly: It still wasn't as rough as it could have been, either. He could have been ALL up in her business and ... he wasn't. Anywho. Can we talk about this cover for a minute? I choose to believe that the cover artist had just watched a hardcore marathon of Tomb Raider and couldn't get Lara Croft out of their head. Amirite?

Amanda: It does have that Tomb Raider feel. Was that what first attracted you to this book or was it the mummy sex?

Kelly: I... can't lie. It was the possibility of mummy sex. Which turned out to be a big dud! Next time, I'm hoping for some tentacled alien sex! PREPARE YOURSELF!



Nina Versus the Mummy was a free ARE download we picked up on 09/05/12.

10 comments:

  1. Haha, you girls are doing very important literary work here!

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  2. But if vampires and zombies are also dead, wouldn't THAT be considered necrophilia as well?

    Sounds like this one was a real downer ... ESPECIALLY when the synopsis seems to promise major sexy-times. I totally agree with both of you about all that pent-up longing and how it should have led to something more substantial.

    Of course, aren't mummies, like, dead, dried-up things? The first thought in MY head was ... HOW????

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    1. HA! I KNOW! HOW?!?!? I was excited to find out. Too bad it fizzled on me.

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    2. Well, maybe you'll find ANOTHER mummy book to satisfy you. :)

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    3. *Is* there another mummy book out there? I'll have to research this!

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  3. OMG! Is THAT Lara Croft? I knew she was a sex fiend. Sex with mummies, kinda. Hmmm. Necrophilia isn't my thing but Kristilyn brings up a damn good point...

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    1. I'm ignoring Kristilyn's point because it might make my head explode. lalalalalala

      Although, vampires aren't always dead. It depends on how the world is built. And is Angel dead in the White Trash Zombie books? Or is she just infected with the zombie virus?

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    2. Ha ha ... glad to see Smash is on my side! It's just ... WEIRD!

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  4. Hey Amanda,

    This review was selected by random.org as the winner for the Why Buy the Cow September prize! If you would like to claim the prize, please e-mail me. If I don't get a response from you in 48 hours, a new winner will be selected. TY!

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