The site officially launches on Monday with new reviews of freebie ebooks in all genres. GLA reviews will go up every Tuesday and Friday, rain or shine. The next GLA review will go be Tuesday the 11th!
Stop on by and poke around. We don't mind.
Showing posts with label Misc: Great Literary Adventures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Misc: Great Literary Adventures. Show all posts
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Announcement: Great Literary Adventures is moving!
Over the past couple months, Amanda and I have had a very, very fun time with our Great Literary Adventures reviews of free erotica. We've loved it so much that we're pleased to say that this feature is moving over to our new (joint) site Free Books Need Love, Too!
The site officially launches on Monday with new reviews of freebie ebooks in all genres. GLA reviews will go up every Tuesday and Friday, rain or shine. The next GLA review will go be Tuesday the 11th!
Stop on by and poke around. We don't mind.
The site officially launches on Monday with new reviews of freebie ebooks in all genres. GLA reviews will go up every Tuesday and Friday, rain or shine. The next GLA review will go be Tuesday the 11th!
Stop on by and poke around. We don't mind.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Amanda and Kelly review: Take Your Teddy to Work Day by Mimi Strong
Synopsis (Amazon):
Naomi wakes up with a big, tall man in her little double-sized bed. What's she to do with him? They start with breakfast, enjoying each other in the sunshine of the breakfast nook.In
Trevor takes her to his work, and they "play house" in the show suite at a new housing development. Later, Naomi takes him to her work place, where he helps her make some very special photocopies.
Somewhere in the midst of all the smoldering sex, however, some feelings are starting to burn. These feelings will not be denied.
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our Thoughts:
Amanda: So, what did you think about this one? Did it help your disappointment from the not-wolf packed pussy book?
Kelly: Well... I did enjoy that he tried to fork her while they were spooning. Lolol! I just like how fun Mimi Strong's books are. Plus, Naomi really got nailed, didn't she? A couple of times. So... Yes. It did help.
Amanda: Honestly, I wanted more sexing. There was too much relationship stuff. Bring teh sex!
Kelly: Lol! They had sex, like, four or five times in this story. I liked it. I liked when Trevor scored with Naomi in the breakfast nook and on the dresser and on the photocopy machine and in his bed. Okay. I guess it was four times.
Amanda: Fair enough. Then I retract my original statement and I will say instead that I wish there was less everything in between the sexcapes. The photocopy machine sex was pretty funny. Nothing like getting your ass copied.
Kelly: Yep. Naomi appeared to like watching things progress by the green glow of the photocopier! WHO DOESN'T???
Amanda: Oh, and we should mention THE HAIR. I was a little surprised his peen wasn't covered in hair, too.
Kelly: I believe there was a small mention about how he had some hair on his shaft. Near the base maybe. This was during Naomi's frank discussion with her sister where she told her it doesn't chafe as long as she's wet enough. And Trevor makes her weeeeeeeeet.
Amanda: Yes. And we got some toe sucking here as well.
Kelly: Trevor certainly liked that, didn't he. He also seems to enjoy sex in semi-public places. *waggles brows*
Amanda: I think Trevor likes sex. They just happened to be in semi-public places when he wanted (and got) it.
Kelly: *thinks about that* I think you may have hit on something here! I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that while we got sexy toe sucking, we did not have a single instance of SURPRISE ANAL SEX!
Amanda: Does that disappoint you?
Kelly: I'm always vaguely disappointed when we don't get the surprise anal sex. EVERYBODY LOSES OUT WITHOUT IT!
Amanda: And we're 0 for 2 this week with SURPRISE ANAL SEX.
Kelly: I... think that's a record. Here's to hoping that our next set of reviews garners us the SURPRISE ANAL SEX!
Amanda and Kelly review: Wolf Packed Pussy by Kelly Sanders
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Synopsis (Amazon):
A group of horny teenage girls are chased through the woods by a pack of werewolves when their car breaks down along a country lane in the middle of the night. They reach an old abandoned shack and hole up inside in the hopes of evading their hairy pursuers, but the shabby wooden door proves to be no problem for the powerful wolves, who proceed to invade the house and ravage their petite, young prey.In
Our Thoughts:
Amanda: "Hot, milky wolf jizz."
Kelly: *finger guns*
Amanda: There was quite a bit of tingling, wasn't there?
Kelly: And jolts of electricity through her clit. I....don't know if that sounds enjoyable, to be honest.
Amanda: I liked how she didn't mention to her friends that her panties were moistening. Is that something they would normally share with each other?
Kelly: In this type of book? Absolutely.
OH MY GLOB! I just realized that we got NO SURPRISE ANAL SEX in this book.
Amanda: There was a surprise blow job. ("Here's my cock. Suck it.")
Kelly: True. Oh, hey! The wolfmen didn't speak, did they? They're the strong, silent, gonna-bone-you-like-mad type.
Amanda: I like how our heroine knew that the wolfmen were coming (heh) to bone them and not to, you know, maul and kill them or something.
Kelly: Yes. That was... odd. I guess her electric clit clued her in.
Amanda: Or maybe her clit is psychic and the only way it can let her know what's going on is to jolt her with tingles.
Kelly: Ha! The magical jolting clit! I'm SURE that's it! Now, I have to tell you, I was a little disappointed in this book. When I saw the title, I thought it was going to be one pussy packed to the brim with wolfmen. Alas, this was not so.
Amanda: Yes, the pussy packing was minimal. In fact, some of the pussy petting (well, licking, but pussy petting is more fun) was left up to one of our heroine's friends.
Kelly: Ahh, yes. Well, if you can't end a night of unrestrained fucking with your friend going down on you, how are you going to end it?
Amanda: With your pussy packed full of wolfmen.
Kelly: Hmmph. I'm still disappointed that there was only one wolf per girl. *sulks*
Amanda: We must rectify this situation immediately.
Kelly: *perks up*
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Amanda and Kelly review: Double Penetration by he Warehouse Ghosts by Cordelia Montgomery
Synopsis (Amazon):
Tamara’s brother Andy is obsessed with ghosts. It’s a good thing he has plenty of money because he spends every waking hour investigating spirits and paranormal activity. Tammy can usually get out of it, but this time, she ends up setting up cameras for him so he can see if there’s any truth to rumors of ghosts at a warehouse. While she’s setting up, she gets plenty of evidence of her own because invisible hands, invisible mouths and invisible cocks are taking her before she knows what’s happening, and it’s a paranormal rough sex experience complete with her first anal sex and a scorching double penetration.#In
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our Thoughts:
Kelly: Oh, Warehouse Ghosts! You sure do know how to show a girl a good time!
Amanda: We got a threesome IN THE AIR.
Kelly: Wicked! And AND... SURPRISE INVISIBLE ANAL SEX! BOOM!
Amanda: But how much of a surprise was it? I mean, granted, she wanted the second ghosts' cock in her mouth, but she did feel his hands on her ass before he plunged in. Does that count as a surprise?
Kelly: I think it does. She was... unprepared for him, so to speak. He just dove on in.
Amanda: She wasn't prepared for the first cock in her mouth, either.
Kelly: Surprise deep throating?
Amanda: I guess. She did mention gagging a couple times.
Kelly: I guess it's hard to tell how deep the cock is going when you can't see it. o.O
Amanda: Why do the ghosts have to take off her clothes? I feel like ghosts shouldn't be hindered by clothes. Now THAT would lend itself well to surprise penetration.
Kelly: *pauses* You are SO RIGHT! Really, they should just power through her clothes. WHY HAS THIS NEVER OCCURRED TO ME?
Amanda: You're not on cold meds anymore. *scampers off to take more cold meds to keep the brilliant ideas coming*
Kelly: Curse my now-healthy self! So, what'd you think of the story overall? Good sex? Bad sex? More sex? Nicely titillating?
Amanda: It would have been more fun if the beginning hadn't been forced and she'd just... welcomed ALL THE COCK from the beginning. You know, "YES! Cock in my mouth! YES! Cock in my pussy!" and so on. Being up in the air was cool, though.
Kelly: She had a... let's call it a healthy skepticism about what was happening to her at first. Understandable, I think. She embracing it willingly soon enough.
Amanda: Less skepticism, more willing sex.
Kelly: So that's your final thought, huh? You just wanted her to take it and take it hard. Niiiiice.
Amanda: Always thinking the deep thoughts, I am.
Kelly: That's just one of the reasons I like you so much!
Amanda and Kelly review: Blue Cheesecake by Charity Parkerson
Synopsis (Amazon):
One taste of what they’re serving will keep you coming back for more…#In
Beth has always adored all things Science Fiction. When a new restaurant comes to town that is shaped exactly like a U.F.O. she has to try it out. However, things aren’t what they seem at the home of the Earth’s best blue cheesecake.
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our Thoughts:
Amanda: I like cheesecake, but not enough to fuck it.
Kelly: Ha! Really? That's so... weird.
Amanda: I also don't think I'd want blue cheesecake.
Kelly: I'd be worried that my mouth would turn blue while on my date. That wouldn't be awkward at all.
Amanda: Well, it depends who your date is, Kelly. If it's Scott, maybe that would be a good thing. If it's Argi, it might look like you're doing something else with your mouth.
Kelly: You are SO right! Speaking of Scott... WHY is Beth with him if he annoys her that much???
Amanda: Perhaps because Argi hasn't fucked Beth enough yet to make her remember him.
Kelly: Ahh, Argi. I have a very probing question to ask: Alien lovers - tails or no tails? What's your preference?
Amanda: Heh. Probing. I would have liked more penetration. Seems like they missed an opportunity for extra penetration with that tail.
Kelly: YES! I thought the same thing! Argi could have REALLY given it to her.
Amanda: Additionally, we could have had some double penetration here, too. Because what's an erotica without a little surprise anal penetration?
Kelly: OMG! We did not get any surprise anal sex in this book. WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS???
Amanda: The end of the world is coming.
Kelly: Good thing Argi has a spaceship. We can all escape into the great beyond and feast on his blue cheesecake. Hubba hubba!
Amanda: How many times do you think Beth would have to have sex with Argi before she stops forgetting him?
Kelly: I don't know. That was a little weird. I mean, she was totally down with him and what he could do to her, why was she made to forget?
Amanda: I can believe being fucked into oblivion, but I don't know that Argi was that good.
Kelly: Maybe if he had used his tail to its full potential.
Amanda: YES. The appendage to orifice ratio was not what it could have been in this book.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Amanda and Kelly review: Taken By Tentacles While My Boyfriend Slept by CJ Smalls
Synopsis (Amazon):
I’d already gone one round with my boyfriend, and the pleasant afterglow of my orgasm hadn’t even faded completely before the tentacles arrived, pushing into my mouth and my pussy without warning. It was impossible, and as they took me and moved within me in ways no human penis could, I was swept away until they lifted me up and suddenly went after my untouched ass. First anal sex was scary enough, but with a monster? It wasn’t like I had a choice. I couldn’t cry out for help, not with a tentacle pushing into my throat, and the other tentacles bound my body securely. All I could do was take whatever the tentacles gave me, including an intense and incomprehensible double penetration.Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Warning: This ebook contains very explicit descriptions of sexual activity during an alien monster sex encounter. It includes rough sex, reluctant sex, tentacle sex, first anal sex, tentacle bondage, and double penetration. It is intended for mature readers who will not be offended by graphic depictions of sex acts between consenting adults.
Our Thoughts:
Kelly: Those tentacles were a little on the possessive side, weren't they?
Amanda: They were. They had to get the last thrust. Well, until they finished and then she woke Sam back up for another round.
Kelly: I'm not going to lie, I kinda dig the rough tentacle sex scenario here but... I seem to recall early on in the story that she woke up with her "sphincter gaping" from her erotic nightmares. I inferred from this that she had been anally penetrated previously. Yet...this was supposed to be her first time with the SURPRISE ANAL SEX!
Amanda: Something about having a "sphincter gaping" doesn't strike me as very sexy. So are we saying this doesn't qualify as Surprise Anal Sex either?
Kelly: Well, she seemed... uhh, she didn't really seem surprised by it, did she? More like "FILL ME UP!" and "I'll take two!"
Amanda: No. There was no surprise there. And yes! She definitely needed two. Two orifices filled. One just wasn't enough.
Kelly: She scored with multiple tentacles per orifice, too. At what point do all the tentacles just become a big, old tentacular gangbang?
Amanda: Is there a tentacle to orifice ratio, do you suppose? Two to one? Three to one?
Kelly: For it to be considered a gangbang? I'd say probably three to one. She was coming (heh!) mighty close to that, I think.
Amanda: Three to one in EVERY orifice or in at least one orifice? Because she did have three in her pussy. I think.
Kelly: Three per orifice, definitely. Heck, three in one orifice... Pfft. Anyone can do that. These tentacles want to OWN her and she wants to be owned by them.
Amanda: But then there was the threesome in her future. I wonder how that compares to the tentacles.
Kelly: More to the point, how will the tentacles react to that? Will they add a fourth tentacle to her pussy? I mean... how else can they take her?
Amanda: Maybe they'll add one more tentacle for each orifice. They're kind of limited in their ability to show possession over her orifices.
Kelly: Or they'll take her man-friends and make it a real orgy.
Amanda: Now you're talking! Then we'd get some real surprise anal sex.
Kelly: Bwahahahaha! Oh, tentacles! You make the surprise anal sex so FUN!
Amanda and Kelly review: Sex in the Vibrator Store by Trinity Lee
Synopsis (Amazon):
Alone and horny in Amsterdam, there was only one solution when my vibrator gave up the ghost - go and buy a new one. After all, there were plenty of shops in the Red Light District that sold them. But what I hadn't expected was a hands-on demonstration of the product from the very hot guy who worked in the store.Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our Thoughts:
Kelly: Well... the title of this story doesn't lie. There is sex! It is in the vibrator store!
Amanda: And more than that: the vibrator is USED. Errr... they use it. Not that it's not-new. Shop clerk guy opens up a brand new vibrator for the back room fun.
Kelly: Hahahaha! I like that you had to clarify that!
I think the thing that I enjoyed the most here is that it seemed like she (did the girly have a name? I don't remember.) couldn't seem to get off without some form of outside penetration/stimulation. When her vibe breaks, she immediately reaches for her massaging shower head!
Amanda: You know, shower heads are very good vibrator substitutes. But... yeah. What's wrong with hands? Of course, it wouldn't be much of a story if she was able/wanted to get herself off with her own hands.
Kelly: True. However, I don't think it was the TRAGEDY that she made it out to be. "Oh, noes! My vibe is broken and I don't want to get wet in the shower every time I need to frantically masturbate! WOE WOE WOE!" *rolls eyes* Anywho... What did you think about how she got flustered in the sex shop even though she was all cocky and shit before hand?
Amanda: It certainly was an interesting time to display embarrassment. However, it did end up giving her a chance to accidentally point to double penetrating vibes. And it gave shop clerk guy a chance to not be creepy and to lead her to what she REALLY WANTS.
Kelly: Rawr! She certainly did want his oversized staff, didn't she? What does it say about me when I keep having a hard time envisioning how all the sexing is going down? Were they 69-ing? Was she facing him? Facing away? I have confusion!
Amanda: I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM. I decided that they were 69-ing. She was giving him a blowjob and he was doing something down there. I don't remember. Tonguing? Vibing? I have cold medicine fog.
Kelly: You know, instead of blaming it on your cold medicine, maybe we should consider that the author wasn't quite as clear as she could have been. Oh! OH! We can mark another story down under the "Surprise Anal Sex" category. Except it was more like Surprise Anal Vibing. Huh.
Amanda: Surprise Anal Penetration? What's our definition of sex? I think that is perhaps a better question.
Kelly: This is a good question. What do you think? When I'm reading these erotica books, I would classify it as penetration with an organic appendage that can find completion (that means that tentacles count!). Maybe we could start a sub-category under Surprise Anal Sex for Surprise Anal Penetration. Dude. Seriously. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW!
Amanda: I think penetration with a penile appendage. Otherwise you'd have to include fingers and tongues under the "penetration = sex" umbrella. It's like... a square is always a rectangle, but a rectangle is not a square, where the square is penile appendage penetration and the rectangle is penetration. I... wait. Does that make sense?
Kelly: How much cold medicine did you take? I think what you're saying is that Surprise Anal Penetration with a vibrator does not count towards our Surprise Anal Sex tally. Am I right?
Amanda: *blinks* *starts sliding down in my seat* *sits back up again* Not all penetration can be considered sex. I think that's what I'm saying. (So, yes. Surprise Anal Penetration with a vibrator =/= Surprise Anal Sex.)
Kelly: Sometime in the future when we're compiling our vast research on this subject, we're going to look back on this review and be SO PLEASED that we ironed out the details as to what constitutes Surprise Anal Sex. And then we'll think "Past Amanda and Past Kelly did all the heavy mental lifting. Good job, guys!"
Amanda: Past Amanda and Past Kelly are so good to us.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Amanda and Kelly review: Why Not Tonight? #2 by Mimi Strong
Synopsis (Amazon):
Becca is reliving the same day, over and over again. It's not Groundhog Day, but ... close.Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
So, she's going to have some fun. She'll have fun with the cute neighbor down the hall ... fun with the sexy tattooed guy at the boutique ... that sort of fun!
Our Thoughts:
Kelly: Ooh la la! Someone likes the backdoor lovin'!
Amanda: It took a little while to get there, though. For a while, I was worried I was reading the wrong book. But I should have had faith in Mimi Strong! Oh. And Kelly, how do you feel about the anal sex in this one? It wasn't a surprise, you know.
Kelly: I KNOW! I joke about lube and rational anal sex discussions before characters get down to business and BOOM! I get that. I... think I liked it. That's not to say that surprise anal sex doesn't have its place because it does (BOY, DOES IT!) but this... I don't know. It worked.
Amanda: I think it worked because even though Becca saw it coming (heh), she was surprised by how much she actually did like it. In fact, she liked it so much, she had to ask for more. Can I also just say that the start of this book was BRILLIANT? "As many of you know, I'm a huge slut who may or may not also be insane." As soon as I read that, I knew we'd be in for a treat.
Kelly: There were a lot of little tidbits that had me cracking up! I was a little worried about Calvin at first, btw. He was so tentative that I thought maybe he didn't know what to *do* with a lady.
Amanda: Yes! But Calvin was so cute and wholesome! He really came [through] in the end, though, didn't he?
Kelly: Not only did he come through in the end, he came in her [back] end. AND... he was totally a gentleman. Condoms, lube, taking care of Becca when she was drunk. Awwww.... his wholesomeness is so sweet!
Amanda: I know! He was my favorite. Though the boutique guy had some potential, too. I mean, he was the one who introduced her to the back door lovin'.
Kelly: Boutique guy... *swoon* He had tattoos. You know how I am about boys with tattoos. Jed impressed me because he jumped right on in there and gave it his all. He went for her honey pot, he watched them in the mirror as they were doing the deed, and then he introduced her to the joys of anal while watching her in the mirror. I admire a man who can multi-task.
Amanda: Don't forget that she really liked tonguing his ear gauges. How do you feel about ear gauges? We all know you love tattoos. So what about the rest of the book? What did you think of the repeating Saturday thing?
Kelly: I don't mind ear gauges and I LIKED the rest of the book. The whole repeating Saturday thing is fun. Becca can do ALL THE THINGS she wouldn't normally consider without suffering any negative consequences. Well, her conscience might suffer but other than that... Sex on a laundry machine? YES! Sex in a changing room? YES! Voyeurism at the art thing? YES! Drunk as a skunk and boning Calvin like a bunny? YES!
Amanda: This one was pretty fun, wasn't it? And this is a series, too!
Kelly: You know, this was fun! It was fun and there were no random name changes for the main character in the middle of the narrative. I count this one as a WIN!
Amanda and Kelly review: Taken by Tentacles at the Beach by CJ Smalls
Synopsis (Amazon):
Angela and Jason have been looking forward to Spring Break, and Angela in particular has looked forward to finding the little natural pool her friend Natalie says is perfect for a sexy and romantic getaway with her boyfriend. Sex on the beach is just what she’s looking for, and she’s not talking about the cocktail! There’s something about the little getaway that Natalie didn’t mention, though; and before long, Angela finds herself completely ravished by a tentacle monster intent on taking every one of her holes! It a double penetration extravaganza, and nothing will ever be the same for this sexy college girl!Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Warning: This ebook contains very explicit descriptions of sexual activity during an alien monster sex encounter. It includes tentacle sex, reluctant sex, rough sex, anal sex, double penetration, and tentacle bondage. It is intended for mature readers who will not be offended by graphic depictions of sex acts between consenting adults.
Our Thoughts:
Amanda: It's a three way with a tentacled-creature!
Kelly: You know, one of the things I enjoy so much about these books is how accepting the characters are when things like three-way tentacle sex in a secluded pool spring up.
Amanda: It's all, "Hey, there are tentacles in my pussy. OH! It feels good! Keep going!" I doubt I would be so open. (Figuratively. If you're naked in a pool, you can't exactly close your orifices for business.)
Kelly: "Oh, hai, tentacles! Watching you assault my boyfriend is delicious and it makes me even hornier. This body is OPEN FOR BUSINESS! Do your worst, tentacles! Take me hard!"
Amanda: Did they really "take her hard" though? I feel like they were just all soft and rubbery and filled her up more than anything. And fill her up they did. Just up and up and up, like an octopus fitting itself into a soda bottle.
Kelly: Hmm... you may be right. How about they used her well? And have to admit, the octopus in a soda bottle mental picture isn't really sexy to me. o.O
Amanda: They did use her AND her boyfriend well. They were sticking their tentacles in all his orifices, too. And I'd have to agree. While the octopus in a soda bottle image was likely accurate (I say likely because 1. I've never seen it and 2. I've never seen a vagina be filled with tentacles, either), it didn't induce sexy shivers. Just shudders.
Kelly: I will admit to having a giggle at Jason's response to having his backdoor plundered by those naughty tentacles. "I won't be able to sit for a month. Is that what it feels like when I do it to you?"
Amanda: I thought it was very considerate of Jason to view it from his lady's perspective. That's a good boyfriend. And I think the tentacle experience really opened up his sexual horizons, if how he wanted to thank Natalie was any indication.
Kelly: Yes! I was thinking the same thing. I think there are a lot of guys out there who wouldn't take being penetrated with such good humor. He was like "Waz good! Want moar!" Oh, hey! Does this count as another instance of SURPRISE ANAL SEX?
Amanda: OMG! YES! This was actually double the surprise anal sex fun, since they both got it in the butt.
Kelly: Man, surprise anal sex is like the thing to do in erotica, isn't it? I would laugh my fool head off if we ever came across two people having a rational discourse on the ins and outs (heh) of anal sex BEFORE they plundered that booty! "I brought my own lube and I'm well versed in preparing my lady friends' nether hole before I take the plunge. I'd really like to share this beautiful experience with you." Ha!
Amanda: As the great and wise Kelly (that's you, FYI) once said: "If it's not surprise, it's not really anal."
Kelly: GOOD POINT! So, tentacle sex in a secluded grotto - did it work for you?
Amanda: I still feel a little squicked out about the octopus in a soda bottle.
Kelly: I think you just have to look at it from Angela's perspective - she was being filled to the brim and then some. And she liked it. SHE LIKED IT!
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Amanda and Kelly review: Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun by Alessia Brio
Synopsis (Amazon):
Learning to love Halloween! This story first appeared in Alessia's debut collection, fine flickering hungers.
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Kelly: I didn't see any tentacles in this book. FALSE ADVERTISING!
Amanda: I think it was a phantom tentacle, actually. "Probing hungrily, far deeper than any human tongue could possibly reach, and far more agile than any cock..."
Kelly: I... okay. Weren't they ghouls, though? Since when do ghouls have tentacles? This is like the time we read that werewolf story and he mysteriously started flying.
Amanda: Maybe it was an alien ghoul. Did you think of that?
Kelly: No, I did not. If it was an alien ghoul, he should have changed color while thrusting... oh, wait. She couldn't see him (or her, as the case may be), could she?
Amanda: Nope. She couldn't see anything. But the ghoul did have enough power to shut her vibrator off every time she got close to the promised land.
Kelly: Cruel ghoul! To torture a girl like that! Oh, the humanity! Speaking of which, the main character was kinda a grump about Halloween, wasn't she? "I'm only happy curling up with a book and a mug of spiced cider! *grump, grump, grump* Kids these days! *grump*"
Amanda: She had some lines at the beginning that reminded me of you. "Fucking adolescent malcontent ingrate hoodlums." That one, specifically.
Kelly: Is this about the time I called someone a goatfucker and wished them syphilis? That was TOTALLY called for, you know. Totally. I think.
Amanda: I believe it was: "Motherfucking, pig humping, syphilis riddled son of a WHORE!" Good times, good times.
Kelly: I had strong feelings about it. Clearly. Anyway. How did you feel about the sex in this one? Enough? Not enough? Too much? (yeah, right!)
Amanda: Not enough. I mean, obviously our intrepid heroine was satisfied, but I was not. Of course, I usually like it when my sexual partner is, you know, corporeal.
Kelly: Oh, you're just saying that. You know what they say! "Once you go ghoul, nothing's as cool!" Actually, these ghouls were hot to the touch, weren't they? Huh. Okay, scrap that. On the other hand, the ghoul seemed able to control her mind. Or something. It made her touch herself. MADE HER!
Amanda: (O)_(O) The ghoul whispers to her and tried to get her to do things. Like masturbate. She was awfully shy about that, wasn't she? But she didn't seem too shy about masturbating alone. She did say she was going to have to replace her vibrator soon because it had lot of mileage on it.
Kelly: Well, she also said that she preferred masturbating over having a relationship with a real person because it was quicker and came (heh) with less entanglements. OF COURSE HER VIBRATOR HAD A LOT OF MILEAGE!
Amanda: Good point. You know, all it took was one ghoul sexual encounter to turn her RAGE at Halloween into UTTER EXCITEMENT. I think she'd be okay with having a relationship with a ghoul. With her vibrator as backup.
Kelly: Too bad he/she/it only comes (heh) around once a year. She's going to have 364 days of pent up tension every year. That's a lot of days!
Amanda: I guess that's what her vibrator is for. A new one, though. I don't think her old vibrator will last through all that tension.
Kelly: On the plus side, choosing a Christmas gift for her should be easy enough... batteries, batteries, batteries!
Amanda and Kelly review: Riding Red Hood by Adrianna White
Synopsis (Amazon) (Goodreads):
The story of Little Red Hood and the Big Bad Wolf begins with our hero in the woods, only Red doesn’t even know he’s there. The road is treacherous and she finds herself running from a band of cannibalistic tribesmen. That’s where she meets the misunderstood wolf and is spared from the life of a slave, or worse.Our Thoughts:
Kelly: Umm... cannibals. CANNIBALS!
Amanda: How do we know they were cannibals? First they were tribesmen, then they were cannibals. It escalated pretty quickly.
Kelly: I don't... know. They were cannibalistic, hill billy tribesmen. Red was pretty sure of that. Wasn't she?
Amanda: She was. She sure knows her cannibalistic, hill billy tribesmen, that's for sure.
-pause as we continue reading-
Kelly: What.The.Fuck.
Amanda: *stares at you*
Kelly: What was... and then the... WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
Amanda: Fredrick may have been a wee bit jealous?
Kelly: You think? I'm going to go on record as saying that the "plan" that Kull and Red came up with was the STUPIDEST PLAN EVER. Just...*headdesk*
Amanda: Never, ever split up with your #NakedWerewolf when he is being hunted by your douche canoe fiance.
Kelly: Seriously, Amanda, I don't know what to say about this story. I can't wrap my head around the ending or Red's bi-polar emotional mood-swings (she's mad at Fredrick for not believing her about the cannibals, she's suddenly okay with him, she's mad at Fredrick again for making her go to the police, she's suddenly okay with him) or THE ENDING.
Amanda: What about the sex? Did you find the sex satisfactory?
Kelly: The sex was good. It was probably helped along by the massive doses of adrenaline Red was sporting after being chased by cannibals and grizzly bears and ... oh, I guess those were the only things that attacked her, weren't they? I must say that I was impressed by the way Red fountained all over the place and Kull spewed like a volcano. Good times. Good times.
Amanda: Yes. Red had waterworks down her thighs, if I recall correctly. Kull and Red were very much star-crossed lovers, though, weren't they? Their little death was followed by a larger one.
Kelly: Niiiiice. They also got to cuddle in the woods. Naked. With the bugs. While being hunted. And people say romance is dead!
Amanda: I would have liked to see more sexin' and less romancin'. This was erotica, right? For an ending like that, there was NOT enough sex.
Kelly: I agree. Now, this is the second werewolf erotica story we've read where I wasn't all that impressed with the amount of dirty, animal lovin' that took place. Next time: MOAR SEXIN'!
Amanda: Actually, two RED RIDING HOOD retellings that have been lacking in the sexin'. This cannot stand!
Kelly: I vow to thee that we shall hunt down the good, dirty werewolf sexin' and pay it homage!
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Amanda and Kelly review: Let's Fuck Before the Zombies Get Us! by Lexi Maxxwell
Synopsis (Amazon):
For two years, Fred lusted after Simone during the day, then covered his knuckles with cum while squeezing his eyes tight at night. With her dark, supple skin, large, round breasts, trim waist, and an ass that was a billboard for pleasure, she gave Fred more than enough material for his own (and rather detailed) mind movies. He also got the spit to fly from his one-eyed snake while jacking the shaft to any of the hundred or so voyeur-shots he’d managed to snap with his smartphone.Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Now, the world outside has ended, and Fred and Simone are the last two people, alone in the clinic where they've worked together for the last two years. Will the end of the world, and all the countless zombies wandering around it, finally drive Simone to where Fred's always longed for her to be?
Our Thoughts:
Amanda: This book is gold with penis nicknames.
Kelly: Oh my glob, yes! Also, it hit a horrifying note early on when *gasp* TWITTER WENT DOWN DURING THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!
Amanda: I think that was the scariest part of the book. (Though I'm not finished yet, so who knows)
Kelly: Ahahahaha! "He hefted his cock in his hand like a two-handed sword..." I'm getting distracted by all the different words being used to describe his MONSTROUS FUCKSTICK! No joke!
Amanda: There are SO MANY NAMES!
Kelly: Dude. DUDE. This was awesome!
Amanda: Can we make a list of all the different penis names? I think they need to be collected and discussed.
Kelly: Yes! We might need a list of the lady parts, too.
Amanda: Okay. Notable penis names:
- one-eyed snake
- purple shroom
- purple headed yogurt slinger
- throbbing pounder (also: pulsating pounder)
- fuckstick
- throbber
- big beefer
- juicy meat (also: thick meat, throbbing meat)
- swollen gland
- baby maker
- angry limb
- fuckwand
Amanda: I'm partial to "purple headed yogurt slinger."
Kelly: Ha! "Angry limb" sounds so painful! You know, Fred gets all these descriptors for his junk and Simone gets "fresh tuna" to describe her lady parts. That doesn't seem fair.
Amanda: Maybe Simone's fresh tuna was making his limb angry. I don't know. It doesn't seem very fair. Wait. Didn't Simone also describe her clit as a "tiny dick"?
Kelly: Yes, she gave it a little two finger stroking like it was a tiny dick. o.O
Amanda: She also got covered in Fred's stringy, ropy cum. She really liked Fred's cum. And his 10 inch (minimum...maybe a foot long) dick.
Kelly: I'm almost tempted to pit Fred against the dude from "The Man Who Came Too Much" and see who had more volume of cum. It sounds like he made it RAIN on Simone!
Amanda: Yes! We'll call it Cum Wars.
Kelly: The question is whether the Man Who Came Too Much can perform during the Zombie Apocalypse. He might have performance issues, you know.
Amanda: Well, I think we should write a bad erotica called "The Zombie Apocalypse Cum Wars" and see what happens.
Kelly: You have the BEST ideas!
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Amanda and Kelly review: Frankie's Monster Loves Cock by Amber Drake
Synopsis (Amazon):
This sexy undead Nympho needs something hot, hard and satisfying.Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
When Frankie's lover is run down by a car she knows that she can fix everything and make Hannah all better again.
But Hannah isn't the same. Hannah has woken up with an insatiable need... for sex!
Warning: This 5000 word short story contains hot explicit sex with a reanimated nympho and one scorching biker gang bang.
Our Thoughts:
Amanda: Oh.My.Glob! The title of this book DOES NOT LIE!
Amanda: Hannah wanted ALL THE COCK! In fact, there was a moment where she was running out of places to put cock. What if there had been another man on the beach?
Kelly: O.O Maybe she could have popped her arm stitches and offered up that orifice. Oh, wow. I kinda just grossed myself out there.
Amanda: If it had been a Munchkin, she could have offered up an ear.
Kelly: FIFTY SHADES OF OZ CROSSOVER ALERT! I like it! I also really like that we opened with a blowjob in the front seat of a moving car.
Amanda: Yes. You know how I was just complaining the other day about how the sex doesn't start soon enough in erotica books? No such problem here. It was all about sex with the cock.
Kelly: I must say that blowjob guy had a tiny bit of a gentleman lurking under all his smarm. He made sure his virgin girlfriend (who was told to "put out or get out") came her first time. *wipes a tear* Such a prince.
Amanda: He was more than smarmy, though. He took pleasure in ramming into his no-longer-a-virgin girlfriend and causing her a bit of pain. Giving her an orgasm was almost a second thought. Like, "As long as I'm pounding away down here, I might as well do something for her." Then there was Frankie's brother...
Kelly: You can't blame the bro, really! What hot blooded guy *wouldn't* go after their lesbian sister's hot girlfriend? And really, who doesn't fantasize about said lesbian sister getting it on with the hot girlfriend? Really!
Amanda: *shudders* He fantasized about his sister with a huge BLACK strap-on, giving it to Hannah. *shudders again*
Kelly: I KNOW! I get that guys like a little girl on girl action but that seems a little... odd. However, it does kinda lead into him jumping in with both feet and letting her ride him like an unbroken horse!
Amanda: He was UNDER HANNAH'S SPELL. Or he was under a lust spell. Either way. He gave it to her. I like how the guys who come in her pussy experience the orgasm of their life. In fact, Jack came TWICE. I think Hannah's love of cock was a mutual thing; cocks love Hannah, too.
Kelly: Hahahaha! I think you're on to something! When Frankie brought Hannah back to life she turned her into a heavenly retreat for the cock! MOAR cock for Hannah!
Amanda: You'd think that Hannah is the victim here (since she's the one who got hit by a car and brought back to life) but I think it's Frankie. Frankie is out a girlfriend now.
Kelly: And possibly a brother. He was NOT happy with her medical experimentation.
Amanda: Well, what kind of brother sleeps with your girlfriend? I don't think that's a big loss.
Kelly: Good point. Final question: Do you think this story ended on a happy note?
Amanda: I see Hannah getting more cock. That's a happy note. Yes?
Kelly: Indeed! Plus, blowjob boy gets potentially unlimited blowjobs! Win/win!
Amanda and Kelly review: Full Moon Fuck by Kelly Sanders
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Synopsis (Amazon):
A group of teenagers are out camping deep in the woods one night when Elsa decides to go for short walk to find somewhere private to relieve her arousal away from the group. However, it dawns on her that she is not as alone as she thought and tries to flee. She is quickly pursued and brought down by a handsome, naked man who proceeds to pin her to the ground. Her terror turns even worse as the beam of moonlight hits his skin, triggering a horrific transformation before ravaging her.Our Thoughts:
Kelly: TRAVEL VIBRATOR!
Amanda: SURPRISE ANAL SEX!
Kelly: That's the best kind, as I'm finding out. Plus... PLUS, He filled her with his "hot werewolf jizz". Nothing's beats hot werewolf jizz.
Amanda: I knooooooow. I'm also very impressed at her preparedness. Bringing a travel vibrator? Very smart. Not realizing it would make a lot of noise? Not so much. It's a VIBRATOR.
Kelly: I like that it was disguised as a pen. BRILLIANT! I wonder if it had a compass in it. I've been camping before. I wouldn't want to wander around at night without a way of finding my way back to the campsite.
Amanda: We could start our own line of vibrators, Kelly. JUST THINK OF IT! Travel size, easy to disguise, add on a compass, maybe low noise emissions... gold. It would be gold.
Kelly: OMG! What if we packaged them as part of our "Hands of a Lover" bra line??? Sexy bras and travel vibrators! The marketing practically writes itself! Anyway. Did you like how the chick (umm... did she have a name?) was quick to point out that she's not a lesbian but then she was fantasizing about having a little lesbian fun while being "ploughed" by a monster cock?
Amanda: I have no idea if she had a name or not. Really, there are only a few things we need to know about her: she gets turned on by monsters, she gets fucked by a werewolf, and she owns a travel vibrator. OH! And her clitoris throbs a lot. (And tingles. Lots of throbbing and tingling going on down there.) I guess she figured that if you're getting "ploughed" by a cock, it negates the lesbian action.
Kelly: Oh, naturally. Cock negates pussy. Uh-huh. Anywho. Getting turned on by monsters was her dirty little secret, wasn't it? I liked that her monster posters were her own form of porn. You have to respect a girl who knows what she wants.
Amanda: Getting turned on by monsters and watching her friends get fucked. She liked that, too. Stuck her hand between her legs with her cardigan thrown over her lap and everything.
Kelly: She was trying to be discreet. What would you have done in her position? Gone out to the forest for some marathon self-pleasuring? Oh, wait...
Amanda: Can I be honest? It took her a looooooooong time to get off. I was looking forward to multiple orgasms. I mean, when one says, "Full Moon Fuck" I expect a lot of fucking.
Kelly: Maybe her travel vibrator wasn't delivering. Or... yeah, I got nothing. She did get the surprise anal sex, though. You know, according to all these books, if it's not a surprise, it's not really anal.
Amanda: I think you may be onto something here, Kelly.
Kelly: And it may be in something. Oh, rim shot, please! Or rim job. Whatever gets you the surprise anal sexin'!
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