Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Amanda and Kelly review: Let's Fuck Before the Zombies Get Us! by Lexi Maxxwell

Let's Fuck Before the Zombies Get Us! by Lexi Maxxwell
Synopsis (Amazon):
For two years, Fred lusted after Simone during the day, then covered his knuckles with cum while squeezing his eyes tight at night. With her dark, supple skin, large, round breasts, trim waist, and an ass that was a billboard for pleasure, she gave Fred more than enough material for his own (and rather detailed) mind movies. He also got the spit to fly from his one-eyed snake while jacking the shaft to any of the hundred or so voyeur-shots he’d managed to snap with his smartphone.

Now, the world outside has ended, and Fred and Simone are the last two people, alone in the clinic where they've worked together for the last two years. Will the end of the world, and all the countless zombies wandering around it, finally drive Simone to where Fred's always longed for her to be?
Our Thoughts:
Amanda: This book is gold with penis nicknames.

Kelly: Oh my glob, yes! Also, it hit a horrifying note early on when *gasp* TWITTER WENT DOWN DURING THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

Amanda: I think that was the scariest part of the book. (Though I'm not finished yet, so who knows)

Kelly: Ahahahaha! "He hefted his cock in his hand like a two-handed sword..." I'm getting distracted by all the different words being used to describe his MONSTROUS FUCKSTICK! No joke!

Amanda: There are SO MANY NAMES!

Kelly: Dude. DUDE. This was awesome!

Amanda: Can we make a list of all the different penis names? I think they need to be collected and discussed.

Kelly: Yes! We might need a list of the lady parts, too.

Amanda: Okay. Notable penis names:
  • one-eyed snake
  • purple shroom
  • purple headed yogurt slinger
  • throbbing pounder (also: pulsating pounder)
  • fuckstick
  • throbber
  • big beefer
  • juicy meat (also: thick meat, throbbing meat)
  • swollen gland
  • baby maker
  • angry limb
  • fuckwand
Kelly: I am... impressed by this list. I can't even choose a favorite because they're all so... descriptive!

Amanda: I'm partial to "purple headed yogurt slinger."

Kelly: Ha! "Angry limb" sounds so painful! You know, Fred gets all these descriptors for his junk and Simone gets "fresh tuna" to describe her lady parts. That doesn't seem fair.

Amanda: Maybe Simone's fresh tuna was making his limb angry. I don't know. It doesn't seem very fair. Wait. Didn't Simone also describe her clit as a "tiny dick"?

Kelly: Yes, she gave it a little two finger stroking like it was a tiny dick. o.O

Amanda: She also got covered in Fred's stringy, ropy cum. She really liked Fred's cum. And his 10 inch (minimum...maybe a foot long) dick.

Kelly: I'm almost tempted to pit Fred against the dude from "The Man Who Came Too Much" and see who had more volume of cum. It sounds like he made it RAIN on Simone!

Amanda: Yes! We'll call it Cum Wars.

Kelly: The question is whether the Man Who Came Too Much can perform during the Zombie Apocalypse. He might have performance issues, you know.

Amanda: Well, I think we should write a bad erotica called "The Zombie Apocalypse Cum Wars" and see what happens.

Kelly: You have the BEST ideas!

Let's Fuck Before the Zombies Get Us! was a free Kindle download we picked up on 10/31/12.


  1. Replies
    1. HA! I was laughing while reading it. And then Amanda compiled THE LIST and I was a GONER!

  2. There are no words. I think they wrere all used as synonyms. I'm partial to fuckwand. It implies a little magic & mystery, like stringy ropy cum. Is that a quality I want in cum?

    Ok. It took zombies before Simone would let him touch her with his yogurt slinger? Not saying much, despite his 10 inches. So did they achieve satisfaction before the zombies ate them? Hopefully the zombies got them. I'm rooting for the Zombs.

    1. Fuckwand is a good one. And, no, generally I don't think stringy ropy cum is something you want.

      Here's the thing... Fred was a virgin with a serious bent toward chronic masturbation before the Zombie Apocalypse. He was tugging like a fiend. Simone never gave him the time of day because he was kinda geeky and she... wasn't. It wasn't until the ZA locked them in together and he sent her a picture of his throbbing 10 inches (maybe longer) that she started to look at him in "that way". So, you see, the Zombie Apocalypse really brings people together. It's not all about brains and shambling.

      PS: The fate of this intrepid couple is left to the imagination as Fred and Simone were happily boning away in a locked room when the story ended.

    2. My imagination says that they boned each until they became zombies. Then, as zombies, they boned each other some more until their parts fell off.

    3. I... think I agree with you. They're happily boning zombies!

  3. Purple-headed yogurt slinger? WTF?

    I also enjoyed the hefting of the penis.

    1. I think EVERYONE enjoyed the hefting of the penis. A two-handed sword is nothing to scoff at.

  4. LOL. Hilarious review. This one is still free on Amazon so I downloaded it, because I just gotta read it for myself.

    1. We picked it up this morning and couldn't resist reviewing it IMMEDIATELY because it was just that spaz-tastic! ENJOY!

  5. I can get past the long list of fuckstick terms. I am literally guffawing. And yes, I used the word guffawing. This is going on the TBR, for sure.

    1. It was free as of this morning. JUMP ON IT! DO IT!

  6. Wow, you have to wonder what possible titles didn't make the cut.

  7. No.
    NO WAY. THAT many penis names? ALL IN ONE BOOK?

    Uh.. uh.. heh... I mean... ahahahaha! "He hefted his cock in his hand like a two-handed sword..." *giggles uncontrollably*
    I would pay monies to see this.

    Wait... there has to be some kind of video on YouTube for free instead...

    1. Yes. YES! ALL THE NAMES!
      If you find a YouTube video, you must SHARE! It's like a law of the land or something.

    2. Seriously, you'd have to try and stop me from sharing that video. Heh *giggles* Dong-copter XD

    3. I was just talking about the dongcopter today on Twitter. I keep spreading the dongcopter love!

    4. *snickers* Spreading the dongcopter love? That sounds messy. I like it!

    5. Ahahaha! But there's so much lurve to go around XD