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Synopsis (Amazon):
A group of teenagers are out camping deep in the woods one night when Elsa decides to go for short walk to find somewhere private to relieve her arousal away from the group. However, it dawns on her that she is not as alone as she thought and tries to flee. She is quickly pursued and brought down by a handsome, naked man who proceeds to pin her to the ground. Her terror turns even worse as the beam of moonlight hits his skin, triggering a horrific transformation before ravaging her.Our Thoughts:
Kelly: TRAVEL VIBRATOR!
Amanda: SURPRISE ANAL SEX!
Kelly: That's the best kind, as I'm finding out. Plus... PLUS, He filled her with his "hot werewolf jizz". Nothing's beats hot werewolf jizz.
Amanda: I knooooooow. I'm also very impressed at her preparedness. Bringing a travel vibrator? Very smart. Not realizing it would make a lot of noise? Not so much. It's a VIBRATOR.
Kelly: I like that it was disguised as a pen. BRILLIANT! I wonder if it had a compass in it. I've been camping before. I wouldn't want to wander around at night without a way of finding my way back to the campsite.
Amanda: We could start our own line of vibrators, Kelly. JUST THINK OF IT! Travel size, easy to disguise, add on a compass, maybe low noise emissions... gold. It would be gold.
Kelly: OMG! What if we packaged them as part of our "Hands of a Lover" bra line??? Sexy bras and travel vibrators! The marketing practically writes itself! Anyway. Did you like how the chick (umm... did she have a name?) was quick to point out that she's not a lesbian but then she was fantasizing about having a little lesbian fun while being "ploughed" by a monster cock?
Amanda: I have no idea if she had a name or not. Really, there are only a few things we need to know about her: she gets turned on by monsters, she gets fucked by a werewolf, and she owns a travel vibrator. OH! And her clitoris throbs a lot. (And tingles. Lots of throbbing and tingling going on down there.) I guess she figured that if you're getting "ploughed" by a cock, it negates the lesbian action.
Kelly: Oh, naturally. Cock negates pussy. Uh-huh. Anywho. Getting turned on by monsters was her dirty little secret, wasn't it? I liked that her monster posters were her own form of porn. You have to respect a girl who knows what she wants.
Amanda: Getting turned on by monsters and watching her friends get fucked. She liked that, too. Stuck her hand between her legs with her cardigan thrown over her lap and everything.
Kelly: She was trying to be discreet. What would you have done in her position? Gone out to the forest for some marathon self-pleasuring? Oh, wait...
Amanda: Can I be honest? It took her a looooooooong time to get off. I was looking forward to multiple orgasms. I mean, when one says, "Full Moon Fuck" I expect a lot of fucking.
Kelly: Maybe her travel vibrator wasn't delivering. Or... yeah, I got nothing. She did get the surprise anal sex, though. You know, according to all these books, if it's not a surprise, it's not really anal.
Amanda: I think you may be onto something here, Kelly.
Kelly: And it may be in something. Oh, rim shot, please! Or rim job. Whatever gets you the surprise anal sexin'!
Wait. So, she goes out into the forest to, ahem, take a little stroll in her lady-garden, and gets raped by a werewolf?
ReplyDeleteAlso: I guess she figured that if you're getting "ploughed" by a cock, it negates the lesbian action.
Is she a lesbian? What was the lesbian action here? I'm so confused.
Wait. So, she goes out into the forest to, ahem, take a little stroll in her lady-garden, and gets raped by a werewolf?
DeleteIs it rape when she makes plans to return during the next full moon and do it again?
Is she a lesbian? What was the lesbian action here?
She made a point of saying she wasn't a lesbian but then fantasized about eating out her friend while the friend's boyfriend did her doggie style. At least I think that was the order of events.
Is it rape when she makes plans to return during the next full moon and do it again?
Delete...Was she consenting when it started?
Okay, any time you have to stop and try to figure out an order of events, sexually, that's a heckuva read. Great googly-moogly. Did she fantasize about the boyfriend at all?
It's rape in an "I didn't want it, and then he started touching me and made me want him, so it was 'okay'." kind of way.
DeleteOdd: She fantasized about his large cock, if memory serves.
DeleteI think she was scared when he first came out of the forest because he was, you know, a beast-dude, but she has the dirty monster lovin' fetish and once he showed he wasn't going to eviscerate her, she was all into it.
Her monster fetish was probably used to deflect what probably should be rape. (She liked dirty monsters, so when one attacked her in the woods, she loved it.)
DeleteWhat a strange book. So overall, did you both like it, or was it more the sort of like you reserve for bad 80s vampire movies set in L.A.?
DeleteThey're fun to read and review like this. I love the purple prose that used because it's so over-the-top ridiculous sometimes. So... more like bad 80s vampire movies, I'd say.
DeleteFunny stuff. With that name & cover, it was just calling to be a GLA.
ReplyDeleteLol! RIGHT?!?!
DeleteI just have to say, that the cover just screams "WEREWOLF SEX!" I mean, how can you not be turned on by the cover? /sarcasm
ReplyDeleteDo they even make travel vibrators? And how would she not know it would make so much sound? Who excuses their self to the dark woods to relieve their pleasure?
"If it's not a surprise, it's not really anal."
Ha ha ... win.
I thought it was the title that screamed werewolf sex. LOL!
DeleteShe was sleeping in her own tent, listening to her friends get it on in their own tents and she didn't want them to know that she was indulging in a little self-pleasuring (she thought it would make her look like a loser or something). She sneaked away like a sneaky thing and found a nice spot in the woods to get her freak on.
Does Kristilyn want a travel vibrator of her own? I'm sure we could find her one. o.O
DeleteAfter Googling "travel vibrator", I have found that Walgreens carries a line of them. They're hellaciously creepy, however, and none of them look like a pen.
DeleteNot joking about this
What's with these creepy books and all the random rape? (not that rape isn't usually random cus.. I'm gonna shutup now I think) And the "I'm not a lesbian BUT pussy is great." Err.. *blinks*
ReplyDeleteAnd.. he tranformed THEN ploughed her? EwwwWWWWW! I like werewolves but not transformed ones! Oh the bad erotica.
She liked the monsters. It wouldn't have been fun for her if he was a human dude!
DeleteLOL! Okay, I'm thinking that I really don't need to read any of these books because I'm guessing that your reviews are even more entertaining than the actual reads.
ReplyDeleteWriting them is an effing HOOT, Shirley! There's lots of giggling and prolonged bouts of hysterical laughter.
Delete