Sunday, November 27, 2011

Review: Naughty for Christmas by Selene Noreen

Synopsis (Goodreads):
For years, Trisha has searched for the perfect man. One who is taller than her and who would dominate her in the bedroom as well as sharing his heart with her.Hood is clan leader of his planet's military. His father, king of Zion, is a very dominate man, so it’s no wonder Hood does his father's bidding and helps St. Nick deliver Christmas presents to Earth.However, when Hood's mother poses as a sales clerk and convinces Trisha to buy a huge green dildo, Christmas takes on a whole new meaning. Trisha finds her lover, Hood gets his mate, and Christmas night turns into one full of erotic screams and sexy demands.Who would've thought a giant green dildo could bring Trisha the man of her dreams?
My Thoughts: I was Twitter-dared to read this book by Amanda from On a  Book Bender and Jacinda from The Reading Housewives of Indiana because we were all wondering about the giant green dildo.  Apparently my reading tastes are more adventurous than theirs because I took that challenge and read this bad boy.

First off, it's short.  Like, really short.  Like, I finished it while watching an hour long episode of The Walking Dead live show.  Due to the length of the story, there isn't a whole lot of plot or character development.  Hood gets hoodwinked *snerk* into helping out on Christmas Eve, pops into Trisha's apartment to deliver her gifts and finds her naked and ready to pleasure herself with a GIANT GREEN DILDO.  Being the gentleman that he is, he used his GIANT GREEN PARTS to pleasure her instead.  On one hand, I wish there was more backstory, character development and ... umm... plot.  On the other hand... GIANT GREEN DILDO!  That really says it all.

I wasn't terribly impressed with this story, but neither did I think it was awful.  The length made it difficult to get to know the characters or care about their issues.  Now, if you're looking for some porn without plot, this will work perfectly.  Or, you know, if you're looking for a GIANT GREEN DILDO, this is probably the place you want to be.

I really can't believe I just used the phrase "GIANT GREEN DILDO" as many times as I did.

More books by Selene Noreen

Reading challenges: The E-book Challenge

34 comments:

  1. So. Now I'm REALLY curious about this book. I might have to read it myself. It's safe to admit that here, right?

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  2. Love it! I had no idea it was that short! So pretty much just the length of a porn scene...huh? We did dare you, but I see you completed a challenge book :)

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  3. BAHAHAHA!!! I can't believe you actually read this. I love you! xD
    Is the porn at least good porn?

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  4. OMG, this is too funny!!! smiles...

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  5. Jacinda: Yep, but it was amusing. And I totally rocked this challenge book!

    Hannah: It's decent. There are a few things that made me twitch, but it's not terrible.

    Christi: Nothing says Christmas like a GIANT GREEN DILDO!

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  6. *dies* Best book ever! Thank you so much for answering our question as to whether or not Hood himself was the dildo. That questions was going to haunt me for the rest of my life. So awesome:)

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  7. Jenny: You're welcome! I live to answer those burning questions!

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  8. I am SO HAPPY you loaned this book to me that I spilled a little of my coffee when I went to tell you.

    Also, another favorite part was Hood finding all the sex toys Trisha had bought and was like, "these are sex toys FROM MY PLANET" and then the whole spiel about how people from his planet are more sexually adventurous or something.

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  9. Amanda: YES! That was AWESOME! I was thinking, since he can change size wouldn't it have made sense for him to start out *ahem* smaller and then work his way up to the FULL HOOD? You know, instead of using the GIANT GREEN DILDO to ready her?

    THESE ARE THE THINGS I THINK ABOUT!

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  10. You guys... seriously can't breathe! xD

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  11. Hannah: Hood probably has a sex toy for that. Just sayin'.

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  12. Kelly: I hadn't even thought of that! But you're right. However, with the GIANT GREEN DILDO in the summary, it would seem wrong not to use it. I think I would have been upset if they hadn't used the GIANT GREEN DILDO in some way. If I am promised a GIANT GREEN DILDO, then gosh darn it, I want my GIANT GREEN DILDO. That last sentence was written purely to use GIANT GREEN DILDO more times. #GutterPass

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  13. Amanda: I approve of your gratuitous use of the phrase GIANT GREEN DILDO. Extra points for using ALL CAPS every time. Triple word score for throwing a #GutterPass on yourself.

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  14. What do I win for racking up all these points? I bet it's going to be a GIANT GREEN DILDO.

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  15. Amanda: EXACTLY! Plus, you get a giant green alien guy who can change his shape and has burning hot man parts to pleasure you with. You're welcome!

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  16. But it only will burn until we have mated, yes? Or am I remembering this wrong? The GIANT GREEN DILDO is so distracting.

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  17. So...the GIANT GREEN DILDO isn't just GIANT, it also burning? Yikes.

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  18. Amanda: Yes, it only burns until the joining. HAVE FUN!

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  19. Ruby: The GIANT GREEN DILDO is modeled after Hood's parts. *It* doesn't burn, but his man flesh does when in the presence of his mate. Are you excited about meeting your own GIANT GREEN DILDO/ALIEN MATE NOW?

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  20. Ah...no. Green reminds me of gangrene. I don't think I could mate with a GIANT GREEN DILDO/ALIEN. Does it burn all the time? Because that doesn't bode well for their relationship.

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  21. Ruby: No, silly. It only burns the first time. Of course. The other times he's just massively oversized.

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  22. Yes, but what I want to know is if he's massively oversized on his own planet? What if Trisha gets there and finds out he's got the smallest penis on PLANET GIANT GREEN DILDO?

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  23. Oh my god! I just realized! That's why his mom had to go to earth to find him a mate! He was considered inferior on his own planet. It all makes sense now.

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  24. Ruby: Bwahahahahahahaha! I think you figured it out! You're good at finding subtext!

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  25. But his mother was from earth, so it's possible she thought that earth women make far superior mates.

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  26. Amanda: I'm a little curious now how his mom knew that Trisha was Hood's mate in the first place. She didn't have a burning hot piece of man flesh to guide her. HOW DID SHE KNOW?!?!

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  27. Or-or!- she knew that his inferior-sized GIANT GREEN PENIS was a result of her Earth genes and she felt guilty that all the females on PLANET GIANT DIDLO laughed at him so she found him an Earth girl.

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  28. Ruby: But they were all mate-y. Like, destined and stuff. HOW DID HIS MOM KNOW THAT TRISHA WAS HOOD'S DESTINED LADY FRIEND?!?!?!

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  29. Kelly: But women don't have a cock to think with, so they have to use their BRAIN. That's why we're far more superior to men, even aliens from PLANET GIANT DILDO.

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  30. Whoa. Just realized I misspelled "DILDO." That's embarrassing.

    No answers re: Hood's mom knowing Trisha was her son's mate. Why can't I just be happy for them? What's wrong with me?

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  31. Ruby: Misspelling DILDO is embarrassing? Hahaha! You are so cute. You just postulated that the GIANT GREEN ALIEN with GIANT GREEN ALIEN MAN PARTS is the least well-endowed on his GIANT GREEN DILDO PLANET. Trust me, no one was looking at the spelling. Lol!

    As for why you just can't be happy for them: I DON'T KNOW! But I also have questions that haven't yet been answered. Someone needs to write a sequel so these burning questions are not longer burning.

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  32. Now, I'm wondering if zombies have any use for GIANT GREEN DILDOS.

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  33. Missie: Do zombies need to be pleasured with GIANT GREEN DILDOS or do they get their pleasure from rending and eating human flesh? I think this is a question for the scholars.

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