Laura is nursing a broken heart while on vacation in a seaside resort town. She was supposed to be there on her honeymoon, but she's alone.Our Thoughts:
Two things are making Laura feel better: ice cream, and the young man who serves it to her, Shawn.
Shawn is trying to forget someone, an ex-girlfriend, only she won't let him.
Laura and Shawn bond over their relationship problems and discover that when they're together, they seem to have no problems at all. Except for his ex, of course.
Kelly: That wasn't half bad! Dolly Parton was the saving grace in this one, you know. It's hard to find fault with Miss Dolly.
Amanda: I'm still trying to decide how whipped cream could be "unhealthy" during oral sex. Because Laura was all, "If he puts that whipping cream down there, I'll have to tell him to stop." Or something. That's not an exact quote.
Kelly: Well, she seemed a little ... innocent when it came to sex. "Oh, my. I didn't know I could feel the lower body tingles just by thinking about someone." *gasp gasp*
Amanda: OMG! Not the TINGLES! That's a good point though. At that point, I was all, "Really?" when I read that. (I'm 27 like she was. I know all about the lower body tingles. Wait. Does that sound wrong?) Anyway, back to the story. Are you disappointed ice cream was never used in a way the FDA would frown upon?
Kelly: Honestly? Yeah. If one is going to have a raging affair with an ice cream shop boy, I think that one should reap the benefits of his profession. Instead, they just have public beach sex WHERE HE DOESN'T EVEN REACH COMPLETION. Hmmph. I'm not thinking much of her sex skills at this point.
Amanda: Not to mention he OWNED THE ICE CREAM SHOP. It was his for the taking. (Pun fully intended.) And, yes. Seriously. What was up (heh) with the almost-hot public beach sex? She got off, but he didn't. I started thinking he had performance issues at that point. And then I wondered if maybe he had some weird sex hangup. (Which, come [heh] to think about it, maybe he did. He get very excited about her back. Not that backs are a sex hangup, but... you know.)
Kelly: Well, she was imbued with the spirit of Dolly Parton. Or something. She had the Dolly Parton Sex Goddess thing going on. Which apparently prompted her to blow him in public. Is Dolly really a sex goddess? If this is the case, I think I need to get out more!
Amanda: Oh, Dolly Parton. I bet her Sex Goddessness (trust me, it's a word whether spell check agrees with me or not) could solve SO MANY relationships. Can you imagine? Al and Bryan could really make a buck off their Dolly Parton Sex Goddess dress and wig. "Come to our B&B! Solve your relationship problems! Have hot sex!"
Kelly: Well, Dolly definitely got Laura's juices flowing. She did ALL SORTS of things that she wasn't expecting. Although, come (heh) to think of it, her expectations weren't all that high since she thought she'd only know her douche canoe ex's penis (which wasn't very large, if memory serves) for the rest of her life right up until he left her at the altar. That is a very convoluted sentence. Huh.
Amanda: Oh, yes. Shawn's cock was so much larger than her ex's! You know, I'm noticing a theme with these books. The hero--I'm using this term loosely--always has a big penis. It's like a subtle message that says, "Don't settle for small penises. You need it big, large, and in charge of your vagina."
Kelly: Wait. That's just a theme for these books? I thought that was the motto we were supposed to follow IN LIFE!
Amanda: A theme applicable to real life, yes. You learn IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS from these books.
Kelly: *snorts* A big cock and a Dolly Parton outfit can cure anything! Including a repressed sexual nature!
Amanda: Yeah. I don't see how you could go wrong with that kind of lesson. I mean, doesn't everyone use Dolly Parton to improve their sex life?
Kelly: o.O I have to... go now. *tries to get the Dolly Parton sex goddess out of my head*
Amanda: Do not fear the Dolly Parton. The Dolly Parton brings you large cocks.
Kelly: Oh. Well in that case... *heads off to google for a full-on Dolly Parton outfit*