Saturday, October 20, 2012

Amanda and Kelly review: Fifty Shades of Oz by Jessie Z. Hatcher


Fifty Shades of Oz by Jessie Z. Hatcher
Synopsis (Amazon):
When oversexed rageaholic Tori Gale is inexplicably transported to the uniquely twisted land of Oz, she quickly learns that her best chance for survival is giving the treacherous, despicable perverts who dwell there a taste of their own medicine. After all, if the various Munchkins, tin men, and witches who cross her path can't satisfy her carnal desires, what good are they? Murder, betrayal, seduction... Tori has no pity for Oz or any of its degenerate inhabitants, and if she has her way, none of them are getting out alive.
Our Thoughts:
Kelly: Ha.Ha. Hahahaha! OMG! The insanity!

Amanda: This might be one of the best fifty shades renditions that we've read thus far. Shall we start at the beginning shall we? I think the fun really starts when Tori briefly contemplates smearing peanut butter down there for her dog to lick off in an attempt to make her boyfriend--wait, her "prick of a boyfriend"--jealous. Or pissed off. Or... whatever you would feel if you walked in on your girlfriend getting oral sex from her dog.

Kelly: She also briefly thought about getting some lady-lovin' in even though she doesn't swing that way (or does she???) so she could tell the prick that he'd driven her to it. That shows a real drive to humiliate. I appreciate her vindictive streak.

Amanda: Well, if the rest of the book is any indication of which way Tori swings, I'd say Tori swings in the way most likely to give her an orgasm, though she prefers the penis. But only when the penis belongs to someone other than the Munchkins.

Kelly: She didn't like the Scarecrow's penis too much. Too scratchy. All that straw didn't do much for her. And the Tin Man was too cold. She's kind of demanding as far as penises go, isn't she?

Amanda: Well, and the Scarecrow's penis wasn't hard enough. Also, his name was Seth (that name will forever be changed for me) but he didn't like it very much. And yes, the Tin Man was too cold. I guess you could say that she was demanding as far as penises are concerned, but let's be honest. Don't you want to have the *right* penis? (Speaking of finding penises, she never really found a worth penis, did she? There was a lot more pussy on pussy action.)

Kelly: The pussy on pussy action didn't surprise me seeing how rageful she was toward the peen. Both the Scarecrow and the Tin man lost their man parts and she either gleefully egged it on or did nothing to stop their emasculation. Oh, and then there was the clockwork man. The Manni-king. She forcibly removed his part after riding him hard. (I'm trying to think of what nefarious things she can do with the Manni-king's wooden penis. MANY things spring to mind!) I'm going to be honest... I think she's a man-hater.

Amanda: That's a very good point, Kelly. She asked the Dick Chopper (or Nick, depending on which paragraph you were reading) to take care of the Scarecrow (which he did, including chopping Scarecrow's dick). And then she destroyed Dick Chopper by rusting his lips with her juices. Did she ever orgasm with a penis? I think the only times she orgasmed were by her own hand or another woman's.

Kelly: *thinks about it* I believe you're right. She only ever reached glorious completion at the hands (lips, fingers, etc) of the ladies of Oz. She also killed a few Munchkins, if memory serves, for daring to defile her precious pink parts with their Munchkin hands. She should really come with a warning: Cocks need not apply.

Amanda: You're right. She was very vicious with the Munchkins. Now, can we focus on the final show down with Gilnda and Oz?

Kelly: Uhh... the only thing I remember is that Glinda's bikini bottoms disintegrated from all the friction when she and Tori were having their orgasm showdown. Or whatever you call it when they got each other off repeatedly. Oh, and I think it was implied (or just flat out said) that Oz was plugging Glinda from behind in the behind. Am I wrong about that?

Amanda: "Stepping behind Glinda, he pulled her shimmering bikini bottom down just far enough so that he could enter her from behind. Glinda leaned forward to facilitate him, but otherwise did not react to his wild thrusting at all." --Locs. 671-73 Also, Glinda's bikini had special mind-controlling powers.

Kelly:  "Tori rushed her, and, unable to dodge with [him] literally up her ass, the three of them toppled to the floor." --Locs. 686-694 SURPRISE ANAL SEX FOR EVERYONE ALL THE TIME!

Amanda: Surprise anal sex is a THING now.

Kelly: You're not kidding!


Fifty Shades of Oz was a free Kindle download we picked up on 10/09/12.

8 comments:

  1. What the flippidy-fuck did I just read? Oral sex from a dog? Dick chopper? What?

    Anyway, surprise buttsecks has always been a thing:
    http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2009/1/18/128767742737325583.jpg Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, hey! Ten! MY FAVORITE!
      Now, she didn't actually have oral sex with the dog. She just thoughts about it to get back at her prick of a boyfriend. Just so we're clear.

      Delete
  2. Wow. Just. Wow.

    I'm trying to form words, but they're just not coming.

    Seriously, though, I wish this was still free because it looks CRAZY. Minus the oral sex from the dog (which is just wrong on SO MANY LEVELS), there's the dick chopper, the orgasm showdown, and surprise anal. And apparently munchkins are bad. And so many penises.

    o.O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't worry, Tori came enough for your words during the orgasm showdown. =D

      This book had a lot of avenues it was willing to explore. A LOT.

      Delete
  3. I HAVE TO READ THIS! I mean, how can you not! HILARIOUS!

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  4. Haaahaaahaaa. Is it Oz or the 3 bears? This peen is too scratchy & this peen is cold... Ooops I forgot I don't like peen at all.

    ReplyDelete